She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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