He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize