bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
