he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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