he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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