Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
