did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
