Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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