I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
