i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
