we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
