ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
