I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
