I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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