there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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