these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
