If i come over, it means nothing
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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