she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
