people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize