my soul wont recognize me after tonight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
