Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
