What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
