I love black thongs
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
