i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
