You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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