apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
