She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize