yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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