so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize