At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
