I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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