So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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