fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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