eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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