I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
