laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
