So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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