I think my vagina is haunted
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
