I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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