in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize