false alarm. still invincible.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
