Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I believe in your delicious
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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