White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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