my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
