Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize