I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
