1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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