every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Barsexuality is the new black.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
