how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
