I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
