sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
