Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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