I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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