all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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