***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
