just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
