I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
