I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
