party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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