what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
