I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need a sexual gate keeper
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize