i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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