apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
