in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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