A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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