if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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