I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
ttyl tear gas
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
