There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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