I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize