Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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