So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
