I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
