Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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