you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
