i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
