There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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