the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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