apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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