Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize