Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
