I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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