What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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