So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
