smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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